i was on the highway the other day when i saw a green Honda Accord doing 50 mph in the fast lane. it had its turn signal on, displaying intent to switch lanes and therefore allowing the growing line of cars behind to pass it, but seemed too timid to actually do anything because traffic in the next lane was going too fast. having seen the queue of impatient motorists, i avoided the fast lane and cheerfully passed Green Accord only to have it tear past me three exits later doing twice the speed of sound in the slow lane.

having slowed to an unreasonably low speed again, i caught up to Green Accord a few minutes later and was soon only a few car lengths behind it and closing. i watched as Green Accord, with turn signal blinking wildly, drifted slowly into the next lane like a fat man settling into an enormous bean bag. having successfully switched lanes, Green Accord extinguished its turn signal only to suddenly and inexplicably swerve back in front of me only moments later. fortunately for me, i was able to avoid a rear-end collision by switching lanes and, as i passed Green Accord, took a glance at the clattering idiot behind the wheel.

i’m not sure what i was expecting, but an elderly woman with a weapons-grade scowl was not it.