day three in quarantine was a lot like days one and two except i loaded a new ringtone into my phone. now when someone calls, it plays an instrumental version of “Snake Oil” by Typical Cats which is basically a smooth jazz* piano riff over an oldschool beat: the perfect blend of class and rawness.

* when i say “a smooth jazz piano riff,” i mean that the riff is smooth, not the jazz. that would be horrible.

day two in quarantine was also boring but at least i now have a healthy supply of ginger ale to help me through the day. because of The Medicine, drinking alcohol is no longer a particularly good idea for me and i know some of you out there would not last a day in my shoes. not being able to drink isn’t such a big deal to me, to be honest. sure, i’ll miss the occasional vodka tonic or shot of lobster or river turtle blood mixed with rice wine but i’m not going to cry about it. i can be the full time designated driver now. i enjoy driving far more than drinking anyway. God, i’m going to buy a fast car when this is all over.

i received a letter today from Jeanne Neinzenfauschfuhrerhausenhausenblitzhausen in Paris and she’s right; hand written letters are awesome. i’ve decided to write back but will be nervous about doing so because although i finally regained use of my right arm, it’s still a bit stiff and i’m afraid my already chaotic handwriting will look like the hell script of an over caffeinated land ape.

day one in quarantine was pretty uneventful. i sat around on my bed and watched documentaries on my laptop. i’ve also been restricted to a cooked starch and meat diet. nice.

so i’m finally back from the hospital and unhappily neutropenic. from what i understand, neutropenia means that i have a severe shortage of neutrophils in my blood which fight infection and ward off disease.

basically, if i get an infection now, it could potentially be fatal. great.

so now i’m trying to be a clean freak, washing my hands thoroughly and cleaning things with disinfecting wipes. i’m also constantly checking my temperature to see if i have to make yet another trip to the emergency room. if i go out, i have to wear a face mask. it’s clearly annoying.

time to hold my breath.

about 12 hours after i returned home from yesterday’s episode, i found myself back in another emergency room with the same problem: fever.

at around midnight i took my temperature and it registered at 101.6°F so i called the doctor and he said to take some Tylenol and check back in an hour. at around 1am it was 101.4°F so i packed some things and went off to the hospital.

they ended up keeping me in the emergency room for almost seven hours in quarantine, popping in every once in a while to check my vitals or draw blood. i spent the entire time in a hospital gown laying on a not-so-comfortable gurney in the frigid little room staring at the lights.

at around 8:40am (yeah) i was finally wheeled up to a proper hospital room where i was asked a long series of questions by a nurse. then i was hooked up to the IV and finally got some sleep. that is, until a small army of med students showed up in my room for rounds an hour later.

had a fever of 102.5°F today and was rushed to the emergency room to make sure my white blood cell count hadn’t bottom out since i started taking The Medicine. it turned out to be a false alarm and the doctor prescribed me some antibiotics to bring my temperature down.

for reasons unbeknownst to me, they ordered a chest x-ray. i’m sure there was a good reason for it, i just don’t know what it is. and in case there are any medical types out there are dying to enlighten me, save your fingertips because i don’t care all that much. anyway, i obtained a copy of the x-ray and have posted it here for reasons unbeknownst to either you or me.

and yes, i know it’s backward.

if you’re wondering why i’m not writing much, it’s because i don’t entirely trust the mental state these painkillers put me in.

i take it back, the state of my leg is yo-yoing a bit as is my right arm.

i don’t know what’s going on anymore.

great news: my white blood cell count is back to normal and other levels are slowly normalizing.

leg is feeling better. arm is stiff but usable.