MY LIFE BE LIKE  09.30.2006

i know it’s very cute and all but if anyone of consequence happens to happen upon this entry, please, please, PLEASE change out those silly pink bulbs and make our skyline white again.

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YOUR LOCAL CHAPTER  09.29.2006

i had a dream last night in which i was a fugitive running for my life through a sprawling metropolis that seemed like a blend of Chicago, Vancouver, Hong Kong, and Las Vegas. i ran, leapt, slid through, over, under highways, train tracks, bridges, and everything in between while trying to escape.

then, as i was hanging over a highway for some inadequately explained reason, a man with a gun showed up and shot me. then he shot me again as i fell.

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SPOT IN THE POLLS  09.28.2006

when i lived at my last place, my old roommate habitually came home after i had gone to bed and got up well after i had left for the day. therefore, i felt confident that my life was going fairly well. i figured that i had to be doing something right, that i was on top of my game.

my new roommates, however, are a different story. they go to bed early and rise before the sun does so i feel like a bum despite the fact that i have a ‘normal’ sleeping schedule. when they go to bed at 10pm, i feel like i’m staying up a lot later than i should and when i wake up at 8am and they’re both long gone, it’s as if i slept in like the lazy fool i’ve somehow become.

bleh.

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PREDOMINANTLY STUPID  09.27.2006

there are few things more satisfying than a belly full of succulent barbecued ribs, golden brown tater tots, seasoned chicken wings, and semi-mediocre German beer after a long day.

actually, there’s probably no shortage of things that are more satisfying but i’ll take what i can get.

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FUMING HIATUS  09.26.2006

in these darkest of days where the forces of good and evil collide to decide the fate of one of the world’s most beloved treasures, it’s good to know that there are brave and valiant souls fighting the good fight.

i’m talking, of course, about Top Gear and the recent decision by the BBC to postpone it until host Richard Hammond makes sufficient recovery from the brain trauma suffered during his 280 mph rocket car accident last week. reports indicate that Hammond is already walking about, cracking jokes, and reportedly begging the BBC to air the footage of his near death experience.

unfortunately, there are many people who have been waiting to use an event like this as an excuse to cancel Top Gear for good but, thankfully, there are many more that simply will not stand for it.

let’s hope and pray that the BBC does not give in to the uptight environmentalists, health and safety philistines, and anyone who seeks to put an end to Top Gear. fellow petrolheads, let us stand together and fight for the soul of that which has so touched ours.

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SLEEPY SCIENCE  09.23.2006

there was this old lady in a motorized wheelchair that i swear was racing me down Michigan the other day. she wove in and out of the crowd and matched my pace as i hurriedly walked down the street. there were a few instances of homeless guys sitting on the sidewalk and i’d speed up to pass her so i wouldn’t have to step over them but she’d just mash the accelerator at the last second, forcing me to go behind her.

unsurprisingly, i was surprised by the audacity of the old hag, the electric whine of her chair challenged only by the hideous cackle threatening to escape her lips. we continued our ‘race’ for several blocks when suddenly, due to a cleverly positioned construction barrier, one of the curbs was without a ramp.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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ACCOUNT ORGANIZATION NAME  09.22.2006

i was out on the balcony taking pictures during today’s tornado watch when i realized someone had gone through the trouble of inventing the umbrella and that we had several at my disposal. unfortunately, i was already soaked at that point so it made little difference.

today’s tornado watch got pretty hectic. the television kept on broadcasting severe weather warnings and my radio scanner–which i had tuned to the forecast frequency–was proclaiming our cyclonic doom in a quick monotone as the tornado came closer and closer to downtown. they kept on saying that the safest place to be was in a basement (and not, unfortunately, the 16th floor) or, if we were in a highrise, to head into an interior stairwell. i wasn’t too worried, though, being out on the balcony and all. besides, the Loop hasn’t seen a twister in 130 years.

…wait, does that just mean we’re overdue?

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OUT OF PHASE  09.21.2006

does anyone else think “fat-free american cheese” sounds a little ironic?

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