the pink line.

THE PINK LINE???

“hey, man. i just caught an outbound pink. i’ll be there in five minutes.”

no! no! NO!!!

WHAT THE HELL IS THE WORLD COMING TO?!

i love this weather. we should have it here all year ’round.

when i was a kid, my mother would buy a box of Honey Nut Cheerios about once every seven years as a treat. one might expect the life expectancy of those tasty O’s to be appallingly short and one would be correct if we were allowed to have at it. unfortunately, my mom was smart enough to know that we would’ve all but inhaled the cereal in a matter minutes if she didn’t intervene.

the intervention? to mix said box of Honey Nut with one or more boxes of regular Cheerios. my mom probably would’ve made a good (or bad, depending on how you think about it) drug dealer, cutting the good stuff with mannitol and persuading two kilos to become five.

i don’t, however, resent my mom for what she did. in retrospect, i think it was smart of her and i’m sure limiting sugar intake helped maintain my and my brother’s largely quiet, docile childhoods.

which might explain why my little sister is such a rebel.

i don’t know why, but i’ve had a bad case of the jitters all day.

for instance, i’ll be doing something normal like getting on the bus or searching for something online and suddenly i’ll feel my face tighten up as my hands start shaking a little and my back muscles tense up. then i’ll gradually calm down again until something similar happens again. sometimes i feel like i’m going to die, other times i just feel ill. i’m nervous, irritable, and am well on my way to becoming a wreck.

also, i have a sickening feeling that my nerves are psychic so i’m bracing myself for something horrible or horribly wonderful to happen soon.

i forgot to mention this earlier, but i stopped by Tim Horton’s again right before i left Vancouver for another chance at the “RRROLL UP THE RIM TO WIN” game after my first attempt’s complete and utter failure.

sigh. oh well. maybe next time.

by this point, you’d think that the other Ivan Lo in Ontario would’ve sent out a mass e-mail telling all his friends not to send stuff to my account. well, i guess not.

---

from: yvellenozomi@*****.***
to: ivanlo@gmail.com
subject: New Email

okey well yeah anyways.
matthew like someone you will NEVER guess.

———- forwarded message ———-

From: “Ivan Lo”
To: “Yvelle Nozomi”
Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2006 15:27:02 -1030
Subject: Re: New Email

wow, by the way, SEND IT TO MY OTHER EMAIL!!!

———- original message ———–

From: “Yvelle Nozomi”
To: “Ivan Lo”
Subject: Re: New Email
Date: Sat, 18 Mar 2006 15:38:41 -0500 (EST)

um….okey ???
what the heck????
anyways….
yeah i acidently told teresa n matthew a lie….
yeahp.
they were like does ivan learn the violin from your grandpa? mine.
and im like mmmhhhhmmmm.
there like WHAT?????
im like mmmmhhhhmmmm.
so yeah i waz reading a BOOOK!
i ddin know what they were talking about so yeah.

---

so what does one do in a situation like this? more specifically, how does one interpret all that gibberish? after rereading it several times, i came to the conclusion that Ivan takes violin lessons from an old man and that, though her typing indicates otherwise, Yvelle is apparently literate.

so i adhered to what’s sort of become a standard operating procedure for situations like these: i professed my love and quoted some song lyrics. i even kept the parts in parentheses.

---

from: ivanlo@gmail.com
to: yvellenozomi@*****.***
subject: Re: New Email

omg they asked taht!?!1
NO WAAY
omg neway…OMG
lolz

i love you, yvelle.

i see the questions in ur eyes
i know what’s weighing on ur mind
u can be sure i know my part
cuz i stand beside u thru the years
u’ll only cry those happy tears
and though i make mistakes
i’ll never break ur heart

and i swear by the moon
and the stars in the sky i’ll be there (i’ll be there)
i swear like the shadow that’s by ur side I’ll be there
for better or worse
till death do us part
i’ll love u with every beat of my heart
and i swear (i swear…)

---

i didn’t hear back for a few days so i thought she ignored me. then the following e-mail appeared in my inbox earlier today.

---

from: yvellenozomi@*****.***
to: ivanlo@gmail.com
subject: Re: New Email

EXCUSE ME???!!????? YOU WHAT ME?????? ONFG. YOU LOVE ME?????
MY GOD IVAN YOU R VERY UM….PECULAR TO ME. i mean i got over you like a LONG time ago. but your an okey guy. hope u hav a chance with ****** *****……youll never have a chance with me….cuz no one EVER askes me out not once. i thought you hated me at first…..guess you dont. u kno were still going out. i never agreed to break up with you in the first place. i never said okey. u just said that.

---

oops. looks like i might have unleashed quite a storm on my Canadian counterpart. i think i’m going to let this one play itself out in real life. best of luck smoothing it all out, man.

oh, and you should really consider sending out that mass e-mail.

stopping by an office supply store after a wedding today, i noticed that the employees seemed to treat me a little nicer than everyone else. sure, the nice suit i was in may have been partially responsible but deep down, i’d like to think that it was because i’m a wonderful, wonderful person.

ten reasons why i should’ve stayed in Canada

- stunning scenery

- way cooler flag

- the $20 bill shows some guy sitting in a boat loaded with animals that are eating each other

- they don’t make a habit of pissing other countries off

- lots of Asians live there

- good, cheap food

- friendly people

- “loonie” and “toonie” are fun to say in an everyday context

- places that have ginger ale and/or lemon iced tea on tap are much more common

- more good, cheap food

first off, much thanks to Grace for using her day off to take us around. i had an absolutely great time.

last year i was here, i told myself i’d go to Tim Horton’s but never ended up actually doing it. this time, however, i actually did it. i went to Tim Horton’s! so they’ve got this marketing gimmick called “RRROLL UP THE RIM TO WIN” where you unroll the rim of the coffee cup to see if you’ve won stuff. Grace told us about some girl who found an unrolled cup in the trash which ended up being the winning gamepiece for a car so i decided to take my chances. long story short, i bought a coffee, drank it, and stupidly threw the cup away before checking to see if i had won anything.

oh well. there’s always next year, i guess.

i sacrificed my left arm on the altar of chivalry a few days ago. i was entering a sneaky Shanghainese restaurant when i decided to hold the door open for an old Chinese lady who was on her way out. unfortunately, it was an awkward angle for me and i ended up pulling a muscle or four.

and she didn’t so much as even grunt in gratitude!