YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY  12.31.2005

and just like that, another year has come and gone. i can’t say i’m particularly thrilled by the way time is flying but i guess i can’t really do much about it.

so here’s to 2006.

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BOTTOM OF THE PAN  12.30.2005

back in 1894, the first standardized automobile was built in Germany. the Benz Velo sported a one cylinder engine rated at 1.5 horsepower at 750 revolutions per minute and topped out at a brisk 15 miles per hour.

now let’s advance just a measly 110 years or so to the present.

Bugatti has just released the new Veyron which technically started life back in 1999 but dawdled six years due to some “minor technicalities” like figuring out how to stop the engine from melting the car. the Veyron has an 18 cylinder engine that puts out a monstrous 1001 HP at 6000 RPM and can reach up to 253 MPH.

now how ’bout that?

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BABY IN THE BACK SEAT  12.29.2005

here’s one of the finals that i turned in a few weeks ago. i was having problems with the printers so the professor let me project them digitally but forced me to “create a narrative” with my photographs.

(groan)

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TO JUSTIFY THE ANGLE  12.27.2005

on a whim, i ditched work today and caught a northbound 156 up to the zoo. despite it being late December, a surprising amount of animals were out in the cold. we’re talking giraffes, lions, and even flamingos. ironically, the polar bears chose to stay inside.

i hadn’t been to a proper zoo since 1998 (Taipei) and i hadn’t gotten quite so serious about photography at that point so i was eager to try my hand at shooting animals today. so how’d i do? well, you be the judge. keep an eye out for a smattering of wildlife photographs coming to a photoblog near you in the relatively near future.

behold, my lame attempt at self-promotion.

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WE BRING YOU ONLY THE BEST  12.26.2005

so i had a pretty disturbing dream the other night.

i was in this huge department store and i really needed to use the restroom so i tore through the place looking for a toilet in which i could relieve myself. finally, i located a bathroom and was about to go when suddenly a very happy Keith David bursts out of a stall and begins excitedly describing his glorious evacuation with a bunch of big, five-dollar words (most of which i didn’t recognize). then he invited me to take a peek.

thankfully, i woke up before i could look.

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THE PRICE MASSAGER  12.24.2005

decided to bring back an old favorite. didn’t have time to write a new version so i’ll just use the one i wrote for last year.

enjoy.


    ‘twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
    not one light was shining, save an optical mouse;
    the downloads were steady from the torrents a’seedin’,
    the screensaver a bouncing dodecahedron.

    young Bobby was nestled all snug in his bed,
    as hopeful suspicions danced in his head;
    what gifts would he get? some toys? maybe cash!
    little did he know, St. Nick was totally smashed.

    Santa had taken a shot…or three, or four
    of whiskey til drunk, he passed out on the floor;
    the elves tried to rouse him. but to their dismay,
    he’d chortle, roll over, start weeping and say:

    “git offa me, ya li’l stinkin’ pieces a’ coal.
    dun’y'know santa’s got things un’r control?”
    the elves listened wide-eyed, not making a peep,
    “i’ll take’care a’it” and with that, he fell back asleep.

    unfortunately for Bobby and all children in general,
    it was the booze talking during his waking ephemeral;
    the elves didn’t know better, so they left him alone,
    so there Santa slept, on the floor of his home;

    this time would be different from past years a’many,
    no kids would get presents, not one, not any;
    for no reindeer would fly under stars aflicker,
    all because Santa couldn’t hold his liquor.
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THE WILLIAMSBURG OFFSET  12.23.2005

i don’t usually link to other places too much but y’all need to watch this.

and if you’ve mastered the Spanish language, feel free to translate for those of us who haven’t :)

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SIX HUNDRED ALONE  12.22.2005

i shared a table at Chicken Planet today with a guy who could’ve easily been mistaken for Mos Def’s long lost (and moderately hairier) twin and his wife. after speaking to each other briefly in Patois, they asked me if i was “from Chinese” to which i yep’d in affirmation.

satisfied, they both nodded and smiled.

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