i was ordering lunch at McD’s today when i noticed something interesting. after i made my “extra value” selection, the cashier asked me what sort of high-quality tasty beverage i would like with my meal. “sprite,” i absent-mindedly say. the cashier smiles, rings up my order and puts a plastic tray on the counter. he then (to my absolute horror) puts an empty cup face-down on the tray.

i didn’t notice up until that point that this McDonald’s had a self-serve drink machine. i think it’s safe to say that the guy knew that this McD’s had a customer-operated drink dispenser so what was the point of him asking? was he just curious? is McD’s keeping track? was he recently transferred from a McDonald’s with a behind-the-counter drink machine? was he just an idiot?

so i decided to spite him and get root beer instead.

ever notice that you can make virtually any glob of text sound overly ambiguous and painfully sarcastic by simply putting quotes around certain words? observe…this is a block of text taken from a CNN.com story about martha stewart’s chicken-tossing escapades:

Given her recent woes, Wall Street has not been kind to Stewart, a former stockbroker and current New York Stock Exchange director, even though she has not been charged with any wrongdoing by any authority to this point. With her company and personal image so tightly wrapped together, the price of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia has dropped more than 20 percent.

Though observers believe her company’s fundamentals are strong enough to withstand the current beating, the future of Stewart’s own image appears to depend strongly on the outcome of the situation.

now put on your guilt kilt (note: such a thing does not exist so don’t try putting one on…unless you really want to) and let’s saturate the thing with ambiguity and make it scream sarcasm by simply adding some well-placed quotation marks!

Given her recent “woes”, Wall Street has not been “kind” to “Stewart”, a “former” stockbroker and current New York “Stock Exchange” director, even though “she” has not been charged with any “wrongdoing” by any “authority” to this point. With her “image” so tightly “wrapped” together, the price of Martha Stewart “Living” Omnimedia has dropped more than “20″ percent.

Though observers “believe” her company’s “fundamentals” are “strong” enough to “withstand” the current beating, the “future” of Stewart’s own “image” appears to “depend” strongly on the outcome of the “situation”.

har har.

have you guys ever heard of a Chinese rapper named Jin? apparently he won the freestyle competition on BET a whopping SEVEN times. he recently signed on with the Ruff Ryders. cool eh? it’s refreshing to know that my fellow Chinese people are smashing their way into popular american culture. i think i’m going to get his CD.

well…the reason for my five day absence is the fact that i can’t get online at work anymore. (sucks doesn’t it?) i’ve also been way too busy training for missions, working and all the other stuff to make time to update my page so pardon me and cut me some slack, fellas. anyways…work has been nicely coming along. we recently met this guy from China that works here and in turn, he took us around and introduced to all the Chinese people in the building. nothing like connecting back with your own kind. they offered to take us out to lunch sometime next week. we’ll see how it goes. we also got keycards on friday…which will make life so much easier because it lets us walk in and out of the building without having to ring the dumb doorbell everytime we want back in. heh heh…i’m pretty tired and kinda out of it. don’t want to write anymore today. mmm…Thai food.

this computer is possessed. well, maybe not possessed, but something is insanely wrong with it. apparently my cubicle used to be occupied by this guy named Bud Walton. from what his former co-workers said, Bud was quite the hacker. he toyed and tweaked with his computer and enabled stuff that he wasn’t supposed to be able to do like use copy/paste hotkeys in the mainframe. weird…anyways, about the problem. my mouse goes crazy every once in a while. what do i mean by crazy? it goes NUTS! my cursor will fly around the screen really fast and open and close random programs. then it minimizes everything and starts to create random shortcuts on the desktop that don’t go anywhere. after the insanity ends, my mouse becomes super-sensitive…like if i tap it in a certain direction the cursor flies over to that side and starts right-clicking. i figured out that everything will go back to normal if i just leave the mouse alone for a bit so that’s what i do when it happens. darn you, Bud.

“only you can prevent forest fires”. i never realized the insane amount of wisdom contained in that one statement. who knew a highway patrol hat-wearing ursus arctos horribilis could have so much to say in such few words. only i can prevent forest fires? how true. for it is MY responsibility to not haphazardly set random things on fire in a coordinated fashion. it is MY duty to make sure that the appropriate fire-producing agents in my possession do not fall into the wrong hands (leprechauns, gnomes, chipmunks, and math majors). it is MY job not to upset smokey in fear that he’ll drain all the liquid out of my body in a fit of bear-like rage. it’s up to ME to prevent forest fires. remember that one question on the PLAN test (for those of you that took it)? “do you enjoy watching for forest fires?”…i see now what a deep, meaningful question it really is…it’s not one of those retarded questions like “do you like to stack boxes?”. yup! funny how a simple everyday phrase like “only you can prevent forest fires” can so easily slip by right under your nose when there’s a treasure trove of untapped genius buried deep within. *sigh* i know i’ve learned my lesson…which is why i’m going to quit my job, leave my family and friends and become a bear.

Dan got me a PDA!!! weee! it’s so useful…i spent a lot of last night and part of this morning programming names into it and such. so much fun! now i can go download software for it…weee! well, anyways…here i am at work again. slowing down and stretching out my workload while my m500 is charging away next to my sleek black dell. in an effort to prepare myself for missions, i’ve brought in a CD of rap music that i’m going to listen to for hours on end. well, back to AIM.

this is a most interesting turn of events i must say. apparently we’re way too efficient. turns out that the eleven or so pages they gave us is supposed to last us two or more weeks! waaaah? so far we’ve finished about three pages each in less than three days…this is crazy. we were told earlier today to work slower. yeah, you heard me…slower. as soon as i heard about what was going on, i threw down my papers on the desk and announced that i was done for the day. yep…seems that we have two alternatives here: 1. keep on going at our current pace, finish the packet, work fewer days, get paid a lot less. 2. slow down, drag out our workload, take frequent breaks, go online, talk amongst ourselves and our co-workers, stay at this job longer, get paid a lot more. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm….i wonder which one i’ll choose. it’s a tough one. look! i’m getting paid to twiddle my thumbs! weeeee! look at ‘em go!

well…i started my new job yesterday and let me tell you…it’s pretty cool. first off, i get my own little cubicle, dell computer and phone! not to mention access to such employee benefits as coffee, tea and hot cocoa. i sorta decorated my cubicle today with a large poster of RJ’s NSX, a hotwheels civic Si and some other stuff (i’ll take a picture later…that is if i’m allowed to) but yeah…sweetness. it’s my very own cubicle…even if it’s just for a few weeks. as of now, the system is pretty much completely down and we can’t do anything so we were told to entertain ourselves for the time being…one of our co-workers even bypassed the firewall for me so i could get online. gotta love it! hmm…it’s about lunch time, i think i’m going to diho today for some beef noodles. mmm…=d